She doesn't love Barack, but she'll ravish Romney anyway

The Hemerocallis Day Lily, "Seductress," is dedicated to Elderly Girl.

    Decade after decade, the Democratic National Committee has asked Elderly Girl to give the opening prayer at its presidential conventions. Haven't they gotten it though their crazy little heads yet that Elderly Girl is a full-blown atheist? God! I mean, not God, but Jesus! Or really not him, either. Ralph Nader! He has been our heroine's fiance since 1970, and he will always be the closest thing she has to a deity.

    Those of you who had hoped to catch a glimpse of our elusive role model at the convention, or maybe to swipe some surveillance video that would show her in her silky, glittering glory, will be disappointed.
    She will not be anywhere near Charlotte. Instead, she has been enlisted to seduce Mitt Romney, thus ending his campaign. For anyone else, it would be Mission Impossible, but for Elderly Girl, there is no such thing.

    We need to save our country from a Romney presidency by any means necessary, but no weapons or rampages through the streets will be required (even though it would have been fun, to let off some steam) (breaking windows, setting cars on fire, and painting "Romney" on "Stop" signs -- some things you never outgrow).
    Instead of letting off steam, Elderly Girl will be creating some, that sexy old devil. She is so disarmingly fluent in the language of "soft power" that she will neutralize poor Mitt in about 10 minutes. And her seduction -- while climactic and absolute -- will be refreshingly chaste. No need to gag, people! No undies will be dampened in the killing of this campaign.
    We're ready to go, as soon as we finish auditioning the camera crew and rummaging through a huge pile of Blahniks that Manolo overnighted to Elderly Girl's hideaway. She wanted to go barefoot, but we reminded her that she may need to step on a lot of toes before she can get Mitt alone and decimate his defenses.
    Please stay tuned.